Trying to Piece Together the Shards of My Shattered Heart of Glass
by frozenheartofdarkness
Summary: Everyone's heart breaks to one degree or another. But sometimes, the heart doesn't just break- it shatters. Percy's heart has already been broken after fighting and trying to cope with two wars. But just when life seems to be on a turn for the better, his heart is completely shattered. How does Percy survive this? Can Nico help him work through facing his inner demons? Eventual Nic
1. Chapter 1: Understanding the Inevitable

**I am a huge fan of Percy Jackson and the Olympians and I've been reading many of the related fanfictions- especially those written by Takara Phoenix and XSon ofHadesX. Their works are AWESOME, I'd highly recommend reading them- especially any of Takara Phoenix's Nicery stories, and XSon ofHadesX's work Children of Loss. Anyways, I thought I'd try writing a Nicery story of my own since I've wanted to for quite a while. However, I've been going through some tough times recently and I think it definitely shows in what this fanfiction is about. Therefore, be warned that this fanfiction will be a little darker. There will be romance and some fluff at the end, but it will take quite a build-up and a lot of pain for some of the characters in order to achieve this. So, hopefully you enjoy chapter one of Trying to Piece Together the Shards of My Shattered Heart of Glass.**

 **Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and the Olympians are not mine. This fanfiction on the other hand is all mine. Reviews are welcomed and desired.**

 **Warnings: This fanfiction is rated M because it will contain cutting, severe and mild depression, violence, suicidal thoughts, and possible attempted suicide attempts. It will NOT contain sex.**

 **Chapter 1: Understanding the Inevitable**

"Time tells the truth" Fortune Cookie

The heart is fascinating. Not the physical heart, mind you. I'm talking about the real heart. The heart that is our very soul. The heart that lets us feel and experience life. The heart is quite strong and resilient- able to withstand and make it through difficult seasons of life. Yet for all its strength, the heart remains quite fragile.

You see, we are able to make it through these painful and tough times, but damage is still done. Damage is always done. The pain that we face causes the heart to fracture and break apart. Sometimes these fractures are deep and noticeable, forming large fissures. We know exactly when these occur and what caused them. Other times, the pain is easier to handle and the resulting fractures are minor in comparison. In some cases, only hairline cracks form- sometimes without you even recognizing that they're there. You may think you escape from such situations unscathed, with your life and your heart whole and under control.

But life goes on. You face new hardships and deal with new and old recurring sources of pain. Sometimes new fissures form- minor or deep. But often, the pain relates to cracks that are already present in your heart. Fissures deepen and connect, becoming more noticeable. Nevertheless, despite all of these fractures, the heart endures- more or less intact.

Usually.

But, as with most everything, there are exceptions. Take someone whose heart has been fractured, possibly severely at least once. But they're still making it through life. Some of their fractures may have even begun or even completely healed until only faint scars remain. And then tragedy strikes- tragedy that puts them through catastrophic pain. Pain that resonates with some or all of their deepest scars and fears. When this happens, their heart doesn't just fracture- it strikes so deeply that the heart completely shatters. When this happens, it leaves you broken and devastated.

A heart can heal from these wounds- at least partially. Even if it's shattered. It's just extremely difficult and requires dedication and a willingness to face the pain and move through it. Because of this, you have to _want_ to mend your heart- especially if it's shattered. Because sometimes, it's just easier to leave it broken than to try to piece your heart back together and run the risk of having it break again.

Everyone will go through pain and hardship- whether from abuse, betrayal, fear, failure, loss, or anything else life throws at you. And your heart _will_ break. How often or how badly? It's anyone's guess. How will it affect and change you, your relationships, and your future? Will you be able to recover? Only time and the fates know that.

 **So, I'm hoping you enjoyed or at least found this intro to what the story will be about interesting. As I said, it will be a little darker. Also, every chapter will start with a quote to kind of build up the mood or simply because it fits a section of that chapter. Please review and let me know if you like it or not. In addition, I am open to suggestions. I just cannot guarantee that I would be able to incorporate them. Chapter 2 will be posted later this morning, just as soon as I finish typing it.**


	2. Chapter 2: Counterfeit Images

**Here's Chapter 2 of Piecing Together Shards of My Shattered Heart of Glass. This chapter focuses on Percy and what he's currently dealing with and how he handles it.**

 **Disclaimer: Percy Jackson and the Olympians are not mine. This fanfiction on the other hand is all mine. Reviews are both welcomed and desired.**

 **Warnings: This fanfiction is rated M. This chapter contains cutting and depression. Future chapters will contain severe depression, suicidal thoughts, and possible attempted suicide attempts. No chapters will contain sex.**

 ***Unless otherwise noted, this is written in 1st person from Percy's POV.**

 **Chapter 2: Counterfeit Images**

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." Friedrich Nietzsche

 _Used. Useless. Unneeded._ That about sums up how I feel right now. I sigh and kick out my legs, splashing the surface of the lake. I reach into the pocket of my midnight blue (almost black) hoodie to take out a razor blade. At least until I realize the sound of my splashing hadn't gone unnoticed. The sound alerted one of the cleaning harpies. I look and see the older, redheaded harpy flying over to perch on a large nearby rock to watch me. Again. I don't know her name, but she's always the one who flies over. I sigh and leave the blade in my pocket, unable to continue under her intense gaze.

You'd think she would have better things to do. It's been months since I got Chiron's permission to leave my cabin at night to simply sit by the lake as a method of coping with what I've lost. To which he gave me permission and explained the situation to the harpies so they don't attack me or raise an alarm. Which I appreciate, as I have sat out here every night/morning since I got permission. Thus, the harpies have seen me out here doing the same thing for months. Which begs the question, why is she still coming out here every time I just make any noise? I mean, what is she thinking? I wish she would realize that I'm not out to destroy or hurt anything- at least nothing that concerns her. She will probably never stop, and the near constant surveillance irks me _ever so slightly_. I decide to just swing my legs in the water until either she leaves me alone again or the sun rises-, which should be soon.

Sure enough, scarcely 15 minutes have passed before the sun majestically rises, bathing the entire camp in a rosy dawn as the shadows begin their retreat. I always watch the sun's ascent before heading back to my cabin, however today I try something different. I follow the sunrise using the sun's reflection on the lake's surface, noticing that the sun's reflection only penetrates the surface, leaving the swirling blue and deep violet waters below untouched except for a slight blood red tint along the lake's edges in the distance. The light can only penetrate so far, leaving superficial images to view, but leaving the deep waters with all of their crevices, secrets, and mysteries buried in the shadows. Unnoticed by the untrained eye and mostly unreadable for those who do notice, these secrets live on undiscovered.

I realize that looking at the lake is like looking through a window to my soul, and the way I am now- full of pretty images for the masses on the outside but really filled with a brokenness and darkness that stays hidden.

Well, now that the sun has risen, it's time to start another day. "Well, guess I'll see you tomorrow" I tell the harpy as I stand up and head towards my cabin. Her only response is to watch me leave, her gaze boring into the back of my head until I reach my cabin. _Typical._ But for all of her supervision, even this harpy does not really know me. She knows me at night, but only the side I want her to see, I think with a slight grin. She, like almost everyone else, cannot see through me. I have truly mastered this façade.

Upon entering my cabin, I turn around and shut my door, making sure it's locked as well. I was almost discovered by Grover yesterday because I forgot to lock it and I can't risk that happening again. I've worked too hard to keep this hidden for months to suddenly blow my cover now. The door now secure, I make my way towards the couch at the back of my cabin, right next to my fountain, rolling up the sleeves of my dark blue hoodie as I go. Sitting down, I take out the razor blade, taking a few minutes to just breathe, readying myself and deciding to start with my left arm. I look at my arm and see the faint scars- scars that would only be seen if someone knew they were there and was looking for them. The only one who knows my secret is Iris, and I asked her to promise on the River Styx to keep my secret. To which she agreed- albeit unwillingly.

I first have to decide on a scar to start with, ignoring the two more jagged scars that I have on each arm. They're the oldest ones, from my first time, but they're the only ones that still hurt. I'd used a sharp piece of glass to make those scars- uneven and slightly deeper than the others. It relieved some of the pain, like I intended, but it also brought back memories of Smelly Gabe. And beatings I received using empty beer bottles during a fit of drunken rage. The way the bottles would sometimes break, piercing my skin with shards of glass that mirrored the fractures and small shards of my heart that broke under the slurred insults thrown at me that I believed. And somewhat still believe to this day. The pain and guilt evoked by those memories was enough to make me stop for a few days, fearing that I was becoming a monster myself. But the guilt didn't last. I had to keep releasing the pain torturing my soul and what is left of my heart- and I knew this would work. The solution was simple- to switch to using a razor blade, making it cleaner, easier, and more efficient.

Choosing a scar, I make the first cut and watch the blood slowly seep out. It's not enough so I make a second cut along a different scar. My arm stings along the cuts, but that is nothing compared to what I've been through and what it's relieving me from. Some of the blood runs down my arm and soaks into my pants. But these, like my hoodie, are such a deep blue that they are almost black and you can't really see the blood. After waiting for a bit, I place my arm under the fountain's running water, allowing the cuts to heal until only faint scars remain again. I feel somewhat bad that I am contaminating my Iris message fountain with my blood. But since Iris already knows from the first time I did it, I figure she would have told me if it was a problem. I then repeat the process with the other arm, only I make this cut deeper so I only need one. Satisfied, I rinse off the blade and place it in a box of art supplies on the floor next to my dresser.

I take a shower and dry-will myself before dressing in a Camp Half-Blood shirt and denim shorts. Satisfied with my appearance, I return to the fountain to call my mom, hoping she's still at home since its Saturday morning. She told me she's gotten some pretty weird looks when I called her last week and she saw me in the sprinklers at the park. She pretended to be talking to me on her cell, but she was still staring intently at and gesturing towards the sprinklers.

"Percy! It's good to see you. And perfect timing this week. I just started washing the breakfast dishes. No monologues with the bushes or sprinklers today. The neighbors actually stopped by to see if I was feeling alright after you last call," she teased.

"Yeah, sorry about that…Anyways, I just wanted to say hi and see how you're feeling. How much longer until the baby is due?"

"I'm feeling fine and the baby's not due for five more months. Oh, Paul and I have something to tell you! Paul! Come over here, Percy's calling!"

"Alright, I'm coming. I'm coming. Hey Percy. How're you doing? You still training with Riptide?"

"Yeah every day. Have to keep improving. Besides, it's fun", I say with a smile. "But what's your big news?"

Sally and Paul exchange a smile before Paul says, "Well, when we went to the doctor last week, we found out that Sally is going to have a girl!"

"I've always wanted a sister! Do you have any names picked out yet?" I ask with a smile.

Their grins get bigger. "Well, Paul and I decided that since you won't be here that often since you're afraid of monsters attacking us, you should pick the name."

"Really?! That's awesome. I think we should name her Percy Jr." I way with a cheeky grin.

"Percy, we are not going to give your little sister a boy's name!" Sally complains, although both she and Paul are smiling.

"Percilla then?" I ask, causing Paul to laugh and Sally to roll her eyes. "I'm just teasing. Although I do have a name picked out for real. Hope." I say with a gentle smile, although it doesn't quite reach my eyes.

"That's a beautiful name. Hope it is."

"I like it too. But is there any reason in particular that you chose that name?" Paul asks.

"Well, throughout both wars, we were fighting with the hope that we would triumph and be able to save the world. Hope is what helped sustain me. Even now, I still have hope that the peace will last, at least for a long time. And honestly, I've come to realize that at the end of the day, hope is all we really have left" I say, looking down at my hands. I look up to see the sad smiles they always get whenever they hear about the wars and what we went through because of them and even after them.

"It's perfect sweetheart," my mom says. "It's just sad that it had to come out of such tragic experiences. Are you still having those nightmares?"

"Occasionally, but not as often. And don't feel bad about the name. I probably would have picked that name even without what I've been through because I like that name a lot." I say, feeling slightly guilty for lying about not having as many nightmares, since I still have them quite frequently. Including this morning…

"Alright. So how is camp treating you?"

"It's been nice. Fairly quiet for a change. Well, quiet as in no quests. The Stoll's pranks certainly liven things up a bit," I say with a laugh.

Paul chuckles. "And when you say a bit, you really mean a lot right?"

I nod. "Yeah, I was just putting it gently"

"What did they do this time?"

"I think the real question is what don't they do. Their favorite target is still the Demeter cabin. I mean yesterday they…" What I was about to say is drowned out by my stomach growling extremely loudly, causing me to blush brightly.

Sally laughs at my embarrassment. _Thanks Mom._ "Well someone sounds hungry. We'll talk later when your stomach is a little less demanding…"

"Yeah, I guess I am a little hungry…Okay, really hungry" I say upon noticing Paul's raised eyebrow. "It's just from all of the training I've been doing with Clarisse. I'll call you guys later. Probably not for a few days though. Talk to you later. Bye Hope! Can't wait to meet you," I say with a smile before waving my hand through the fountain, ending the message.

I head into the bathroom to check my appearance one last time before I go eat with my friends. I'm still smiling, genuinely happy after talking to my mom and hearing about Hope. This will make maintaining my façade easier, since I won't have to fake as many smiles. Not that anyone aside from my close friends and Chiron can ever tell when they aren't real, and even then, they only catch on occasionally.

I hear the horn blowing, signaling the start of breakfast. I leave my cabin and see Annabeth walking towards the Aphrodite cabin. "Hey Annabeth. You going to get Piper?" I ask, even though I already know the answer.

"Yep, you know her. She's not a _morning_ person. At all."

"Or maybe she just waits for her lovely girlfriend to rouse her with a kiss" I say with a grin as I notice Annabeth's blush. I'm so glad I helped convince Piper to overcome her fears and ask her out. "Well I guess I'll go find Clarisse and Grover and meet you breakfast…"

"Actually, they're already at the dining pavilion. All we're missing is the two of us and Piper."

"Cool. Oh yeah, I have some exciting news to share with you guys today!"

Annabeth smiles. "I can't wait to hear it. But you aren't allowed to tell the others before Piper and I get there. I'll make Piper hurry today…"

"Alright. Not sure if Piper will like that though"

"She'll get over it. See you in a few."

"Will do. Meet you there" I call as I head towards the dining pavilion.

Let's go seize the day. And make it mine.

 **Like I said before, I hope you like this and find it an interesting idea. And as I said, it is and will be a little darker. But, as I'm sure you noticed, I still like a little bit of fluff and humor too. Thus, most chapters will have a mix of both lighthearted topics as well as treatment of the darker aspects of Percy's experiences and life. And while it may seem to get better, this fanfiction will get worse before it gets better and we get the happy ending. Knowing at least part of what's going to happen, I feel somewhat bad for Percy, but he will eventually get a happy ending. So I think he will be fine. Also, every chapter will start with a quote to kind of build up the mood or simply because it fits a section of it. Please review and tell me if you like it or not.**

 **See you next time for Chapter 3: A New Perspective!**


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